May 25,2022, ,Weather :
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May 25,2022, ,Weather :
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By Sheikh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat hafizahullāh
Being gifted with children is a great blessing from
Allāh ta'ālā. For any blessing we receive we need to do shukr, i.e. be grateful
to Allāh ta'ālā. True shukr meets the following requirements:
1. Realise the blessing is the result of the Grace
of Allāh ta'ālā and that it has come to you without your being deserving of it.
2. Acknowledge your gratitude in your heart and
express it verbally as well.
3. Use the blessing in the way Allāh ta'ālā wants
you to, and observe the rules and limits He has set for it.
As with all blessings, Allāh ta'ālā has set rules
and limits regarding the blessing of children too, e.g. when to be lenient,
when to reprimand, what to teach them, what to keep them away from etc. Following
these rules when dealing with children is called ta'līm and tarbiyah.
Giving children correct ta'līm and tarbiyah is a
major responsibility of parents. If they fail to make proper arrangements for
the ta'līm of their children and do not give them proper tarbiyah, they will
face severe questioning on the Day of Reckoning. Failure to provide children
with ta'līm and tarbiyah is failure to do shukr for the blessing of children.
Sending children to madrasah from the age of five
to the age of twelve and completely handing over the responsibility of ta'līm
and tarbiyah to their teachers is not sufficient or satisfactory. Even after
enrolling their children in a madrasah, parents need to keep abreast of how
they are learning and how their conduct and character are forming.
Every child needs to be educated to the extent that
he/she becomes aware of all the questions of halāl and harām that are likely to
confront an average person in life. Every child should know what is fard and
wājib and what is optional, and the difference between makrūh tahrīmī, which
entails sin, and makrūh tanzīhī, which does not.
In addition to this, every child needs to
understand that when confronted with any situation in life that he/she has no
knowledge about then a qualified 'ālim or muftī needs to be consulted. The
masā'il related to business are an example: they are not taught as standard,
for every child will not need them, but when a child grows up to become a
businessman he needs to acknowledge the need to consult a muftī at every step
in order to learn the masā'il of business.
"Truly
this 'ilm is Dīn, so be careful from whom you take your Dīn." (Muslim)
In today's age in particular, when authentic and
inauthentic 'ilm are both widespread, correct ta'līm is essential. People
nowadays resort to the internet if they want to know something and google
provides them with masses of information on the masā'il they are looking for,
without any check on authenticity. Part of ta'līm is to instruct children in
the correct avenues for acquiring 'ilm.
In Islām, great importance is given to the chains
of teachers and students that go back to the fountainhead of 'ilm, Rasūlullāh
sallallāhu 'alayhi wasallam. When the source of 'ilm is authentic, the 'ilm
taken from that source will also be authentic; therefore, the source of 'ilm
should be someone linked to a chain of authentic teachers and who is regarded
as authentic by the contemporary 'ulamā.
Tarbiyah means training your children's minds and
hearts in such a way that they live their lives according to the ta'līm they
receive. It is not enough, for example, just to teach them that alcohol is
harām; it is also necessary to nurture within them love for Allāh ta'ālā and
His commands and fear of His displeasure and Jahannam, so that a genuine desire
not to displease Allāh ta'ālā and fear of the consequences of their actions are
what drive them to abstain from alcohol. Without this sort of tarbiyah,
youngsters will know that alcohol, drugs, zinā, theft etc. are harām yet still
indulge in them. So ta'līm and tarbiyah are two distinct things.
Take the example of salāh. A child of seven
receives the ta'līm that salāh five times a day is fard, and his father also
makes him go with him to the masjid for salāh regularly. Then when the child
reaches his teens he stops going for salāh. The father complains that his child
used to be so good and has suddenly turned bad, whereas it is the failure of
the father to do tarbiyah of his child's mind and heart about salāh that is the
real cause of the child abandoning salāh after reaching the age of
independence.
Tarbiyah should result in children never opposing
the 'ilm they learned, no matter what the circumstances. They should have the
message firmly ingrained in their minds that Allāh ta'ālā is the One who
controls benefit and harm, and to obey Him is to please Him and to disobey Him
is to displease Him. And seeing as He controls benefit and harm, it is not possible
for someone to lose out by pleasing Him, whatever the circumstances, even
though the intellect may argue differently.
An episode from the life of Shaykh 'Abd-ul-Qādir
Jīlānī rahimahullāh sufficiently illustrates this point. His mother did his
tarbiyah properly and one of the points she stressed to him was to always tell
the truth and never lie. She then sent him away to study 'ilm, cleverly sewing
some money into his clothing so that it would not be stolen on the journey. He
did run into bandits on the way though, and when they asked if he had anything
valuable he told them he had money and where it was hidden. When the chief of
the bandits asked him why he had admitted he had money, he said simply that his
mother had taught him always to tell the truth, for it pleases Allāh ta'ālā.
Shaytān always tricks people by telling them of all
the potential harms of telling the truth and the potential benefits of lying,
but the tarbiyah of his mother meant he understood that benefit can only come
from obeying and pleasing Allāh ta'ālā. The bandits were greatly moved and
repented.
In order to do tarbiyah properly, parents should
show love to their children, be their friends, give them rewards for good
behaviour and sit and talk with them. They should read stories of our pious
predecessors to them and also take them into the company of the 'ulamā and
mashāyikh.
If a child makes a mistake, parents should not
ignore tarbiyah and just suffice with a reprimand. Today's mistakes, if left
untended, will grow and grow. If, for example, a child tells a lie then the
parents should understand that the sickness of lying is in the child's heart
and will not be removed by just shouting or getting angry with the child.
Concerned parents should refer to the experts, the mashāyikh, for a solution.
If the sickness is not cured through tarbiyah then the child will go on lying,
only in ways that his parents will not detect.
Finally, it should be understood that being harsh
and overly strict with children is not tarbiyah. Love is what is needed. If
children are treated with love 90% of the time then on the rare occasions
parents do get angry for some reason the child will feel ashamed rather than
resentful.
May Allāh ta'ālā grant all parents the ability to
be truly grateful for the great blessing they have been given in the form of
children. And may He also grant them the ability to fulfil the requirements of
shukr by ensuring that ta'līm and tarbiyah are properly carried out. Āmīn.
© Riyādul
Jannah (Vol. 18 No. 4)
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